Agnes and Ecstasy

October 2007

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Adventures with Prudence

My best girlfriend, whom we will call Pru, (largely cos that is her name) drove up from Melbourne to Agnes Water 1770 to visit with Tom and me this month. Naturally, I have dashed about the ménage whisking errant dust bunnies with my trusty dust bunny banisher, rearranged our two dogs plus their five beds, marshaled the pantry contents into orderly labeled rows, named the light switches with helpful hints as to their responsibility areas and dressed several naked windows in preparation.

Melbourne to Agnes Water is no quick hop (think 1600 kilometres or about 900 nautical miles or driving from Amsterdam to somewhere in Portugal) but Pru does have a new chariot which apparently needs road testing - a VW Caddy. Seriously (well of course seriously - it is German) beautiful piece of engineering and comfort planning particularly for ladies travelling unaccompanied of their husbands or single women. More on Caddy here.

Shortly after night fell on the appointed evening, our intrepid Adventuress arrived safely having avoided the dumb and dangerous cattle that stray from the National Park across the road into town. Not even a kangaroo or wallaby decided to play with her the ever popular game titled I Wanna Be Road Kill . A great omen.

First up, Pru and I go on a tour of the immediate environs. I suggest we go to see Captain Cook's landing and this is met with great enthusiasm. I had no idea she would think I meant he would be landing at that very time.. these Victorians!

Kayaking seems a good idea and as it is school holidays in a sea side tourist village and only 10.30am and the boats are colourfully lined up on the sand unlocked and there is a sign on the road inviting us to Hire a Kayak, we think 'Let's rock on up and hire ourselves a boat'.

Wrong - really wrong. No one is in attendance but there is a mobile phone number to call. Neither of us have brought a mobile phone and the only coins we have are a dollar and a 20c. There is a phone booth beckoning however. So we place our trust with Telstra and drop the coins - the number rings then diverts to another number which diverts to a man in the Brisbane airport who tells us to ring the original number. By now we have $0.00 on the display panel. As this is Pru's first introduction to the Agnes Water 1770 idea of that foreign and exotic concept elsewhere called Service, I try not to clench the phone between my teeth and spit the disembodied male voice out the other side.

Eventually however, we do locate Tony the kayak man and his easy manner and helpful instruction make us decide to cancel the contract on his life. Here he is responding to Pru's enquiry of "How long have you been using these double ended paddles?".

Just the best fun rowing across the entrance and laying claim to the peninsular which was also hosting a few fishermen and their tinnies. We diced with death as ski boats ploughed through our wake (work with me on this - we did create a wake, sorta....) and eventually took the tide back to our starting point. Great value at $25 per hour for the two of us and an extra hour free if you can last it.

Of course, having almost circumnavigated Australia that morning, my friend and I are ready for food, sustenance, anything that can accompany a cold beer!

But there is the rub. It's now coming up to 2 o'clock during school holidays in a sea side tourist village. Which, in Agnesese means 'Closed for Service - come back at 5pm when we may chose to open'.

Except of course at the always reliable fish and chip shop, Hook-Inn. Slight problem though - Pru is allergic in a most dramatic hair raising way to sea food. John at Hook Inn assures me his hamburgers are even better than his fish (PS - they are great in fact) so we order two with chips and, hiding our Crown Lagers, we saunter - all innocent looking - off to sit on the beach and watch the Lifesaver looking for ladies drinking alcohol on the beach.

The ocean temperature was fine for Pru (well, she is Victorian one must remember) and the last surf beach on the East Coast lived up to its name.

Then we walked up to the newly opened ice cream parlor which is a challenge to enter but once inside, the range of delicious ice creams is a rainbow of mouth watering delights. But as ever, there is a hitch. The Owner has had a business before in this town and knows the rules.

1. Owner lets the potential customer view her merchandise

(Pru and I duly salivate ladylikely into our hankies whilst gazing at the array of smoothies and ice cream and other things delicious)

2. Owner continues counting her cash without making any eye contact or other recognition gesture or greeting which might indicate she may have actually seen potential customers in her shop.

(Pru and I walk over to the counter where the lady is counting the notes from her till. The only other customer in the shop on this hot summer's day leaves. Our hope of being seen rises.)

3. Owner stops the other shop assistant from approaching the two potential customers and dispatches her to count saucers in a cupboard far far away.

(I wonder whether Pru has finally perfected that Invisible Cloak thing she has been working on.... and thrown a spare one over my shoulders)

BUT THEN - We realise this is a game of Ignorant Chicken which is probably unique to Agnes Water 1770. It is played like this: If Owner can ignore us longer than we can put up with being ignored, the Owner wins. The Loser then accepts defeat and asks for Owner to take an order. So Pru and I head for the door, past all the empty tables and chairs.

4. Owner calls out to the backs of the retreating potential customers "Are you right to order then?"

One of the friends turns slowly to the owner and with her sweetest smile replies "Thank you but no - we may return when you are not so busy" and lets the door close softly behind them.

One place that I knew would provide a happy adventure with friendly service and lots of value and fun for our money was the LARC tour, so we presented ourselves on yet another glorious day for the trip up to the Lighthouse. $220 for two (locals get a 10% discount in high season).

Full boat with about 32 souls ranging from 6 to maybe 70 plus Angie the popular cabin mate and Captain Col who can tell a story or two.

The adventurous one of our duo did all the good stuff like sliding down a 1000 ft sand dune (OK - maybe not that high but it looked it to me). That's her starting off at the top with Angie and others' encouragement.

The aquamarine water was liberally sprinkled with sequin splashes as Pru headed into the high tide of the creek at the the foot of the dune.

Tour ended around 4pm and the newly vamped shop at the wharf at 1770 marina was a wonderful surprise. Coffee that smelt divine, yummy deli cabinet and very tempting cakes.

That evening we ventured forth to the old Mangoes restaurant where the decor is fresh, slightly Marseille, bright and friendly and the staff greet you with a happy smile (Pru, me and Tom below) .

First visit since our several aborted attempts a year or so ago. What a hoot. The food really wasn't stunning ( Pacific oysters look good but are tasteless and should only be sold with a warning!) but the presentation was out of Delicious magazine. Just must enquire if the chef can resist the urge to cover anything that doesn't move with his ubiquitous fried sweet potato strips! The wine was good, the beer was cold, the service was smiling and friendly if not well trained, the chairs were the most comfortable restaurant chairs in Queensland, the price was most reasonable and, needless to say, the company was wonderful.

And the menu catered for everyone. That's Carlie with the specials board and her ever present smile.

Earlier that evening we had to walk out of a restaurant for the first time in our lives as the entrees only included sea food dishes and apparently the chef couldn't cater for an impromptu non-seafood offering. Fling me an avacdo and a lemon and I will tend to it myself, I thought...

By Thursday, Pru had to leave for the return trip to Melbourne but threatens -oops - promises to return soon, as there are so many more adventures in paradise for her. In fact, someday I am going to go to take her to the Museum when it is open to enjoy their really good exhibits. Then there is the Red Rock walk and the standing outside the gated communities and feeding peanuts to the inmates and all that fun stuff.

The Caddy

Pru and her Caddy - she couldn't give me a full demonstration of it's cleverness as she didn't bring the tent part with her on this trip (and she was only staying a few days! *smile*)

However, I got the idea and obviously it works really well for one person, or two very friendly persons, even without the rear tent.

Full privacy plus fold away table and chairs, vehicle locking from the rear, skylight above your head when in bed, electricity for DVD player in the back, cup holders for last cuppa - its got the lot. And its diesel!

My Wall of Roses: And for those of you who are as enthralled with roses as I am - may I share with you my latest indulgence? I am hiding it right down here cos it's really about my toilet. I sit on my toilet and can look out through the louvers at my faux Japanese garden but now I can also look straight ahead at my roses cos I am systematically having my photographs of each rose, as it first blooms, transferred to framed canvas so I have a very private Brag Wall (grand kids - pooh bah - roses rules!)

As I have seventeen different roses (and counting!) it will add up, but I finally found a very professional outfit with quality process and materials at the best price who delivers on time and in perfect condition (free plug for http://www.geniusprinting.com.au/ cos they are GOOD) so I am well on the way to my second row. If you live in the wilds as I do, Internet shopping becomes the norm, so there is one for your tag list.

	I did so want to spit the dummy today. Not on my own behalf because I am retired following a rather successful professional career where discrimination took no part. But on behalf of my membership to that very large community that really wants to snap the heads off the remaining discrimatory ferrets. Dig them out with a crowbar I say, if reasoning does not succeed. But you all know how Tom disapproves of such violence - sigh! And the course of my ire, you ask? At the Agnes Water Medical Centre this morning I offered my opinion to a vision in bright pink, who is managing the practice, that all of the four doctors listed on the exterior of the practice should have their sex noted, rather than just the one who had 'female doctor' printed under her name on the window. Ms Blooming Pink advised me that this was done because 70 to 80% of all doctors are male so everyone would know the other three doctors listed were male. Hmmm - have I been swirled into a time machine? There were 1998 magazines on the waiting room table, so perhaps that is where we had landed - a place where 70 to 80% of doctors are male? No, cos even in 2001 female doctors represented over 30% in Australia and by 2004 were creeping past 40%. And anyway, it cannot be 1998 - the appointment card gives 2007 as the year. Surfice to say that after Ms Pink had slowly looked me up and down and decided something inscrutable, my opinion was left to fall where it may at that Centre. Shame really - cos so much has been spent by the States, the Commonwealth, even the UN to help people understand that .... When a decision is made or an opinion is based on a person's Age, Gender, Sexual Preference, Race, Religious Beliefs, Appearance, Disability Or Financial Status - that is Discrimination. I know that bona fide occupational qualification does not provide an excuse. I have said it before on this site, but I will say it again - I really want to live long enough that I stop hearing and seeing a woman's profession prefixed or suffixed by her gender - well not unless these folk also designate in the same manner for men. OK - folks - its 2007 - get it together!

Tom's steak was a challenge. That's a whole potato between the steaks - not just mashed potato folks!